


With Your Permission

by bokuakabeam



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Funerals, Graveside Conversations, Loss, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Moving On, Mugging, Panic Attack, Stabbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23860732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokuakabeam/pseuds/bokuakabeam
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou will always be in love with Hinata Shouyou
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	With Your Permission

It’d been three years since it happened, and Kuroo still hasn’t visited. So much brightness had been ripped from his grasp, so many opportunities and an overabundance of love; all of it, gone in an instant.

It’d been three years since the funeral, and Kuroo never returned.

-

It had been during Kuroo’s third year of university, meaning Hinata’s first. They’d been dating long-distance for over a year, finally taking the next step to move in with one another when Hinata started at Kuroo’s university.

Through all the tough shit, the inability to be close to one another aside from holidays and the occasional weekend, the not-so-hidden disapproval from family and friends, and the disappointing exchange of brief phone calls between classes. 

They’d outlasted expectations.

And Kuroo was ready for the next step in their relationship. 

He was ready to see Hinata every day, to go to bed curled up with him at night, and to wake up with him every morning. He was ready for all the kisses, fights, late-night conversations. 

He wanted it all with Hinata.

The day had finally come.

Hinata had told Kuroo the train he was taking, and what time he was expected to arrive, so Kuroo planned and waited. 

He’d gotten their apartment cleaned and set up, and had even gone the extra sappy mile and covered the bed in rose petals.

He wanted everything to be perfect, because Hinata was perfect, and he should be treated no less. 

They’d agreed on Kuroo meeting Hinata at the train station. So, once it was nearing the time for Hinata’s arrival, Kuroo laced his shoes, and took one last glance around.

Although he would miss living alone, he knew in his heart and soul that he was ready for the next step. 

The next step in his life, and he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

For nearly an hour, Kuroo stood alone at the train station. The wind picked up, and he had to wrap his arms around his torso to trap his body heat. 

Had Hinata missed his train? If he had, why hadn’t he called Kuroo to let him know?

Or worse, has he changed his mind?

Self-consciousness and doubt creeped into Kuroo’s mind as his watch beeped, signifying that he’d been waiting for Hinata to show up for over an hour. 

His train had arrived and departed, and still no sign of the redhead. 

Finally, Kuroo swallowed his fears, and called.

No answer. 

Should he try again?

No answer. 

Kuroo was starting to sweat. This wasn’t like Hinata; usually Hinata would answer on the first ring, clear excitement bubbling through the static in the phone, making Kuroo’s heart melt. 

He’d call once more.

“Hello?” 

A woman’s voice, one that Kuroo did not recognize, answered. He looked at his phone in confusion, confirming that he did in fact call Hinata’s number. 

“Uh, hello? Who is this?”

“Do you know a boy with orange hair?” Her voice, Kuroo realized, was panicked.

His heart dropped into his stomach, he swallowed the lump of dread already forming in his throat, and responded. 

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh, dear... P-Please... You need to come quick. Something... Something’s happened.” Her voice wavered, like she was holding back tears.

“Wh-What? What happened?” Kuroo began jogging away from the train station, no idea where to go from there. “Where is Hinata?”

The woman quickly told him where they were, and Kuroo was shocked to discover that she was just a few blocks from the train station.

“Please,” Kuroo pleaded, unsure of what he was asking for. “I’m on my way, I’ll be right there. Please, is Hinata okay?”

The woman let out a small sob, before responding in a near-whisper. “He’s been stabbed.”

Those three words rang like alarm bells in Kuroo’s head, deafening his senses to anything else in his path.

Kuroo’s numbness persisted throughout the night; gripping Hinata’s limp body on the concrete, sirens blaring around them as the ambulances surrounded them.

Kuroo rode with Hinata to the hospital, the smaller boy unmoving, but breath coming in ragged gasps. 

Kuroo wouldn’t allow himself to think, only about what was in front of him. 

Hinata’s rapidly paling skin, the blushthat always adorned his cheeks nowhere in sight.

No, he couldn’t think, because if he thought, he’d have braced himself for what was coming next.

-

It was nothing like the movies. 

There was no last words, no tearful goodbyes, no great cinematic reveal where the doctor comes in and saves the person’s life. 

It was abrupt. 

Hinata was alive one day, and then the next he wasn’t.

According to Hinata’s mother, who was finally able to speak in gasps between her sobs, Hinata had caught an earlier train in hopes of surprising Kuroo at their apartment. 

He’d done this for Kuroo. 

If it wasn’t for Kuroo, Hinata would still be here.

But Kuroo didn’t have time to wallow in self-pity. The next few days were a flurry of activity. Between helping with the funeral arrangements and alerting other friends and family members, Kuroo was almost grateful for the distractions, despite the circumstances.

It wasn’t until after the funeral, after the tearful goodbyes from Hinata’s mother and sister, the promised return of Kenma, Bokuto, and Akaashi, that Kuroo was back home. He hadn’t been back in their apartment since the morning it’d happened. 

Well, his apartment, now.

Kuroo walked numbly from room to room, unsure of what he was expected to do. 

It wasn’t until he reached his bedroom, deciding on laying down, when he finally choked on a sob. 

Dimmed lights, brand new bed sheets, rose petals scattered.

Kuroo curled up on top of the sheets, disregarding the fact that he was crushing the rose petals, and allowed himself to finally break. 

There would be no going to sleep and waking up with a small body of warmth snuggled up against him, no bouncy red curls, no big, amber eyes.

No Hinata. 

And as the sobs wracked through Kuroo’s body, he gripped his sides. The pain in his body worse than anything he’s ever felt. 

He was truly alone now.

-

It had been three years since the funeral, and Kuroo was finally going to visit. 

Among the rush of emotions he felt about today, the dominating feeling of guilt overrode everything else. 

Why was he going to visit, today of all days?

After Hinata’s passing, Kuroo was embarrassed to admit that he’d let himself go. He felt that he had no reason to continue on, no matter what his friends and family members said. 

What was the point if Hinata wouldn’t be by his side at the end of the day?

It got so bad that eventually he was convinced to start seeing a therapist. And, as much as Kuroo fought the idea, therapy really helped him through his depression. 

Therapy is what allowed him to refocus himself on his studies, and eventually he began leaving his house again.

That’s when he ran into Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima had enrolled at Kuroo’s university as well, and was in advanced enough classes to occasionally run into Kuroo from time to time. 

Realizing that they both would have to interact every so often, they began talking.

Tsukishima was skillful in dancing around the topic he knew Kuroo was too broken to speak about. 

All of Hinata’s former classmates knew about Kuroo, and they all were surprisingly supportive of him during the funeral. 

But Kuroo was grateful that Tsukishima didn’t force it.

That was how Kuroo slowly began trusting Tsukishima more and more with each passing day. Everyone else in his life seemed to be forcing him to face his emotions, but Tsukishima allowed him to go at his own pace.

Tsukishima didn’t say anything when Kuroo would skip meals, but would make sure he ate enough to remain healthy. 

Tsukishima didn’t say anything when Kuroo would occasionally skip classes, but would make sure to get Kuroo any notes or assignments that he missed.

And Tsukishima didn’t say anything when he visited Kuroo’s apartment one weekend morning to find him curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, gasping for air, and fighting the urge to throw up. 

He just made sure Kuroo had calmed down before leaving to fetch a glass of water.

After a year of this caretaking relationship between Tsukishima and Kuroo, Kuroo asked him on a date. 

Tsukishima could feel the guilt and anxiety emanating from Kuroo’s being, so he denied. 

“I can wait, Kuroo.”

Another two months passed, and Kuroo asked again.

This time, Tsukishima only saw determination in Kuroo’s eyes. 

He accepted.

-

Now, fast-forward to today, Kuroo and Tsukishima have been dating steadily for two years, and Kuroo feels like he’s ready. 

But he has to do something first. Something for himself. 

He departed the train station, hailed a taxi, and made his way to the cemetery. 

To see Hinata.

He’d brought sunflowers, some that he’d purchased from a flower shop near the train station. They reminded him of Hinata. 

The grass surrounding the headstone looked slightly overgrown, but was soft as Kuroo sat with his legs crossed next to it.

“Hi, Sunshine,” Kuroo finally speaks, clearing his throat as his voice breaks. 

He had tried to prepare himself, but suddenly all his preparations had flown out of his mind as he looked at the words etched on the cement stone next to him.

He trailed his fingers along the etchings, tracing out ‘Hinata Shouyou’. His chin quivered, and he quickly dropped his hand to scrub at his eyes, denying himself tears. 

“Hey, Sunshine,” he tried again. “Sorry I haven’t come to visit sooner.”

“I just...” Kuroo trailed off, fumbling for his excuse. “I could say I’ve been busy, or that I couldn’t make the trip down here. But honestly? It’s because I didn’t think I could handle it. It’s like solidifying the idea that you’re really gone. And I don’t want to do that.”

Kuroo’s voice broke once again, but this time he didn’t stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks. 

“I hate myself for not coming down here to see you, Shou. I’m so sorry. And if you were here, you’d tell me to shut up, and stop blaming myself. So I’m going to try not to. But, fuck, Shou. I miss you so goddamn much. I thought missing you was going to kill me. You were my everything, my light at the end of the tunnel, my Sunshine. I didn’t know what to do when that light was snuffed out.”

Kuroo fiddled with his fingers anxiously, trying to will himself to stop crying to no avail. 

“But, Shou... I think I met someone. Well, not think, I guess. I met someone. Tsukishima?” Kuroo looked at the headstone again, as if expecting a response.

He looked down at his lap and continued. 

“Yeah, Tsukki. He’s really helped me these past few years, Shou. He’s been really taking care of me the way you used to.” 

Kuroo chuckled softly at the memory of Hinata feeding him some warm soup one weekend when he was sick.

“He, uh... He gives me a reason to wake up in the morning again.” Kuroo finally openly admits his feelings for Tsukishima, biting his bottom lip. 

He takes a moment of silence, placing the flowers delicately in front of the headstone, admiring the bright contrast against grey.

“Listen, Shou. Nobody can replace you in my heart. You’ve forever carved yourself in there, you stubborn little shit.” Kuroo gave the headstone a watery smile. 

“But... I was wondering... Would it be okay if I was happy again?”

Fresh tears cascaded down drying cheeks, replacing the trails left by their predecessors. 

“With your permission,” Kuroo’s voice wavered, but he kept on. “I’d really like another shot at happiness.”

Kuroo felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders at his admittance.

And after sitting in another comfortable silence, the air around him shifted, and a big gust of wind pushed the hair from Kuroo’s forehead. 

Kuroo gave the headstone a small smile, placing his hand over the etched name. 

“Thank you, Shou.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think :)


End file.
